| Almost Summer...20 days for me |
[May. 5th, 2006|11:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I'MJUST AWAKE. NO MUSIC RIGHT NOW GUYS.JUST COMPUTER HUMMING | ] |
Well, summer is almost here guys and this time I'm not all that excited to have it come so soon... Chris leaves this summer to go to Basic Training and I know it sounds pathetic, but I'm going to feel really lonely without him. He's going to be gone from July 27th until December 17th. He wants to change his dates so he can be back for my birthday but I don't want him to...because everyone who knows me extremely well knows that Christmas is more important that anything birthday to me. So it was a choice, him leave after graduation and be back for my birthday ot him leave the 27th and be back for two weeks at Christmas.... anyone know which would mean more to me??? lol So, one good thing coming out of this summer is that it puts me clser to next school year- finally being a senior and having half a day at school and closer to November...I turn the big 1-8!!! So, who's buying me a drink this year? lol just kidding, the only thing I want is to have someone spend my birthday with me- i don't want to be sitting at home watching TV by myself..It would be nice if Blaze was still in town... Hey Blaze you're going to break tradition...every year for my birthday we have Tequilla together... you started the tradition two years ago and already you're going to break it...;) I expect a happy birthday post on here from you at least ok????! you better or youre in big trouble. lol And chris, I want to have a letter in the mail from you- no excuses. send it early if you have to so it gets here in time. (I love you.)
HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO EVERYONE!
Today is finally friday! And all my perverted little devilish mind can thing about is----- sleep. Hey chris it's only 23 more days until our one year anniversary. I kow what the rest of you are thinking- wow christina! WEll- YES WOW TO ME!!! hehe
well it's almost time to go to lunch and then to the "service" if anyone has had Mrs. Matthew's class during the time we read Dante's Inferno, you know what I mean. It's a good book and I understand it..but daily discusions on it seems like church... very preachy. Good book thoug by the way- really makes you think. And down in this town that is not an easy task- thinking. hehe Well gotta go, bell rang!
-saturnine |
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| DAMN IT...I WISH I WERE GRADUATING! |
[Apr. 24th, 2006|11:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I'm leavin on a jet plane..." | ] |
Hello end of the school year! Only 6+26=32days of school left! The 28th Chris and Ericka graduate...That is also Chris and My 1 year anniversary (the 28th). Wow...I've been with him a year...things have been great. We've been living with eachother for a couple of months and so far so good... I'll miss him when he leaves for Basic and it'll take some getting used to sleeping alone for 5 months...hmm. He leaves two days before my brother's birthday- July 27th and comes back either December 13 or the 17th...It just seems like such a long time. His sister and I are going to start sharing a room when he leaves so John can have his own room...it would be akward stying in the smae sleeping arrangments. Chris, me and John all sleep in the same room (john works nights and we have school during the day so it works out) but over the summer when Chris leaves eveything will change. I was thinking about moving into my own place... but I guess rent free sounds a little better and I need to save my money to do that double admission thing- I'll be attending community collge on the weekends in the spring semester and working and going to regular school on the weekdays. It's a little wierd though- me staying at his parent's house without him... but they insist that I stay... we're all going to chris's graduation from Basic and then coming back - by then I'll be sooooo happy to see him I DARE SOMEONE TO PRY ME AWAY! HA. what? i have needs too...lol. I'll miss him. He won't make it for my birthday and he'll miss thanksgiving and the first day of my senior year but he'll be here for christmas and then leave shortly after...he will most likely miss my graduation day too..but these are just some things i'll have to get used to if i what to stay with him. (I LOVE YOU BABY!)All and all things are going good..but times will be rough soon enough...in a way i don't want summer to come too fast.
-saturnine
PS : GUESS WHAT??!!! I fractured my frickin tailbone on friday and it frickin hurts...i fell down some stairs- clumsy me- and now I get the good pain meds, they just aren't working fast enough!!! OWEEEEE! |
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| COPIED BY THE COMPLEMENTS OF BLAZE... |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|11:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I'll Keep you my dirty little secret.." hehe | ] |
If you had me alone... locked up in your room for twenty-four hours and we could do whatever you wanted... what would you do to me?
Send it to me in an email (saturnine13@aol.com).. since it's a secret. Then post this in your journal. You might be surprised with some of the emails you get.... |
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| Sorry (15th) and (today) St.Patrick's Day! |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|11:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | humming in my brain the song of the Irish! I'm Feeling Lucky | ] |
THIS WAS THE 15th
So... I swallowed my pride and was the one to confront Krystal... about - well most- of what was on my mind and things are pretty good...we are talking again and just from the hour I spent with her you can definately tell she is sooo- prego! lol I think its really great that she is happy and excited about all of this and everything seems to be working out in her favor for the moment-I just hope it stays that way.
She asked if I wanted to move in there with her- Tony and them are going to take a job in Lousiana for about three months and she doesn't want to be left all alone in that house, but she doesn't want to go with them and lose the house either. so... i told her I would think about it.
It seems like a good idea but I have some doubts and Chris isn't really all in for the plan either- i think i know a few reasons why but he hasn't said much- we sort of discussed it but the conversation just sort of ended without and hint to what the outcome will be. so..i don't know yet.
-saturnine
THIS IS TODAY
So today is St.Patrick's day....hmm[trance-like]...alcohol...hmm...expected this time...hmm...i like saying hmmm....
Yep, so anywho! oh, krystal- hey wine when preg- not agood thing- stick to water sweetheart. (even asked teach just to double check- so haha!)
So i am having a good day and I can't wait to get LUCKY tonight1 haha (i love you baby ;) ;)
-saturnine |
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| NEW NEWS IS...WELL...NEWS. |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|12:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Goodbye my friend..." Spice Girls (hey-shutup!) | ] |
So, yesterday Ericka and Chris went to see Tony and Krystal's new house and what-not and they aske if we wanted to move in...if chris had said he wanted to I would have but he has reasons too...me on the other hand don't want to because I don't just forget that easily. Those two would drive me crazy not to mention what they did to my vehicle and on top of that- KRYSTAL's PREGNANT!!??! GEEZ! Living with that whole family was a HUGE mistake. Not only did I lose my best friend...i lost her to a guy. And she stabbed me in the back and treated me like shit too. the only reason I asked chris how he felt about moving in there is because I know how bad he wants out of his parents' house and how much it would make him happy- i'm all for his happiness. But he said no...so i won't push the issue. GEEEZ...she just turned 17, come on! I was partly kidding when I said I wanted her to have a kid- i meant LATER! I mean, has she giving this any thought...wht do I care... its her problem not mine- i'm just worried about her...and still hurt that she would do the things she did this year and last. I miss the old krystal.
-saturnine |
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| Spring Break 2006 |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|11:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "...You're only the best I've ever had..." | ] |
Things went well last week... I stayed with my mom wednesday night until sunday night. Then I got a great "welcome home" from Chris who missed me sooo much...*sighs* And the week kind of in a blur...But the best way to sum it all up is: it was perfect. And chris- I love you...really really really...I LOVE YOU. It's been great waking up to your face when your sleping or with your arms around me early in the morning...sometimes I pretend I'm asleep just because I don't want to interrupt the perfect moment. *giggles* Thank you.
love,
saturnine |
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| Another Day |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|12:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mellow guitar chords echo in my emptiness... | ] |
Well.. things are certainly changing in life and I stand facing them head-on, powerless to stop a single wind blowing my way. YADA YADA YA... Things are pretty good considering the recent events. I had an epiphany that my best friend has slipped beyond me. I do not have the same friend I had all those years ago. I'm starting to see her in a different light and it makes me want to live in darkness or kill Thomas Edison. But even then I think a little part of me would know she is distant. She's been that way for a while- but now more than ever I can see that glimmer of light and passion we held in common is fleeting from her eyes to be replaced by something else... I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not- only she will be able to figure that out...but what I do know is that we are not is the same place. I don;t know if it was because I lived with erh this short period of time or if this "newness" it caused by something/someone else...maybe it has been there all along and I was blind to it...but then, was everyone else? I know part of this feeling I have is jealousy...i'm not afraid to admit it. I feel as though Tony has taken the last family I have that hasn't stabbed me in the back..he's taken my best friend away and it's hard for me to deal with that...but that's not all of the feeling I have...there's something else...I dont know how to explain myself... WELL NEW SUBJECT.
I have moved in with Chris recently... several events (recent) have led me to this decision. I don't care to get into those, but I'm sure if you ask I coold clarify in a ranting sort of summary. The other reason being that I want to spend more time with Chris before I don't have anymore- he leave for Basic Training this summer. I don't know where I am going to go after he leaves, but I do know I'll be busy this summer so don't expect a whole lot of free time from me. I plan to get a full time job or two part times...CHA-CHING... anywho.
I guess that pretty much summarizes everything so far- well as much as your going to get out me anyway. lol So, I'll write again when I get the chance...
-simply saturnine is dissapating...choas keeps coming my way...is there no end???
-Saturnine |
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| TEST DAY |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|06:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Dirty little secret" | ] |
OK so I filled my day with taking TAKS and now its over- yeah! Anywho! I didn't get to see chris this morning- I miss him already. I had fun staying over his house. Did ya hear that babe? hehe. <imissyou
sorry this isn't going to be that long of an entry, but I have been writing all day! Krystal and Tony are engaged... tony got her this pretty ring- they're cute together- even though i fel he is taking the last family i have left. I think they'll be happy. Chris is great and I really don't want him to leave... Spring break is coming up- can't wait to spend it doing absolutely nothing- i want to go somewhere or party or something- mostly i want to spend some time with my baby outside of the house...
well, let's see what the plans become- or if they even come.
-simply saturnine |
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| HEY- ONLY A WEEK AND 6 DAYS UNTIL DISASTER. |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|11:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "It took 6 whole hrs and 5 long days for all ur lives.." | ] |
WEll... I loved yesterday and the day ended well. That's the best that I could have hoped for. I am still currently staying at Chris's house- I've been there since Thursday night and I'm staying until Monday morning. I'm glad I get to spend a little extra time with Chris, mostly because I do not know what is going to happen within the next two weeks- I'll admit it- I'm scared sort of...what am I going to do for a place to live? What am I going to do if Chris doesn't like where I pick? I'm sort of floating on no idea of the future here and I am just wondering whether or not to wait it out and see what happens...relying on faith isn't one of the things I know how to do. you know?
well I'll keep you posted- in the mean time- keep your fingers crossed.
-simply saturnine |
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| Valentine's Day Special: "Tea for Two Please" |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|07:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uhh...thinking still... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "it's a beautiful day!" (unknown artist) | ] |
Today is going good much better than I would have expected. We just watched Elizabethtown- it was a good movie. You know- I may have under-expressed myself in the beginning- today has been great. I have really had a great day with my great boyfriend who knew exactly how to make my day super- well- great! hehe. Ok, no that I have said that I can move on. I have to wait for my income tax to come in before I can get Chris a gift for Valentine's Day...and even then I can't get him as much as I would like. Can someone lend me their money tree? Only two weeks from today until I get kicked out of the place I am currently living at...can I borrow someone's job too? Everybody (even the "mommy and daddy childre" or more commonly known as "richbitch" kids) has a job, they all swooped in unexpectly and took all the jobs- even those who didn't need one- they just wanted new speakers in their mustang and didn't want the 2,000 dollar one mom cuold have bought then- they weren't good enough!!!!!!!!.................>
WHAT ABOUT THE POOR KIDS HUH???!!!! DID YOU THINK ABOUT THEM YOU MONEY HUNGRY BITCHES???!!!! [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<yeah [...] ok?>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Today is going good much better than I would have expected. We just watched Elizabethtown- it was a good movie. You know- I may have under-expressed myself in the beginning- today has been great. I have really had a great day with my great boyfriend who knew exactly how to make my day super- well- great! hehe. Ok, no that I have said that I can move on. I have to wait for my income tax to come in before I can get Chris a gift for Valentine's Day...and even then I can't get him as much as I would like. Can someone lend me their money tree? Only two weeks from today until I get kicked out of the place I am currently living at...can I borrow someone's job too? Everybody (even the "mommy and daddy childre" or more commonly known as "richbitch" kids) has a job, they all swooped in unexpectly and took all the jobs- even those who didn't need one- they just wanted new speakers in their mustang and didn't want the 2,000 dollar one mom cuold have bought then- they weren't good enough!!!!!!!!.................>
WHAT ABOUT THE POOR KIDS HUH???!!!! DID YOU THINK ABOUT THEM YOU MONEY HUNGRY BITCHES???!!!! <Yeah well if you fell that bad- quit and tell me ahead of time ok?>
What am I going to do? Maybe Chris has a point- if I move in with his family (which they all want me to) the I wouldn't need a job- just school and to help out around the house (of course when everyone gets fired I could still help out with money). But I don't know. It's alot to think about. Want a list to go over the problems and complications?
-OH WELL- I do ok? SHUT UP!!!!!!
1.) no personal space
2.)no personal space
I'm starting to see this will never happen- ANYWHERE.
3.) Chris and I could go through a "Tony and Krystal" stage
4.)home intrusion- I'm invading
5.) no job- I want to help- first someone help me with this one (provide a job please)
6.) avoiding argument with new "chummy" mother
AND the BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG Number.........
7.) lack of security- let me elaborate-
so...i'm living there-who's to say I'm guaranteed a roof over my head- I'm not paying rent, I'm not in a contract of landlord vs. tenant...I'm living there under "good graces"- what if I say or do the wrong thing or act the "wrong way" then I'm out. If chris and I break up (hopefully not)- then I'm out. When Chris goes away for the summer and I burry myself in parties to dull the pain of him being gone (acting the "wrong way") - then I'm out. I have no secruity.
I wish he could understand that I would love to move in together, but just not over there. And, things would be a little different between us, but I think we're strong enough to work out the kinks. Ijust don't know how to tell him- outloud.
-simply saturnine |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|12:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "THE BEST I'VE EVER HAD" (don't know the artist) | ] |
"And so you sailed away, into a blue sky morning........ it's not so bad; you're only the best I ever had. You don't want me back- you're just the best I ever had......"
So today it started raining which is always a good sign to start the weekend off. I love the rain... it's sort of my sign of good luck or an artistic hang-over in the very near or immeadiate future.
Blaze is having a party this weekend at his house- saturday night... I want to go but i am not sure if I should... if philip's going then no, because chris wants to come with me. He and I don't really party that much together unless it's with his friends. I don't know exactly why..i guess its just beacuse I don't know what could happen...If I get around himand I'm drinking and I get into one of those moods- my friends just blow it off- that's just me...but if he's there he might take something I say seriously and it could just be the alcohol talking and I don't want to do ro say anything stupid that I might regret because of what my next mood swing might become. you know? does that make sense? ANywho. things have been going pretty good, lately everyone has made our driveway the new "hang out" area and the afternoons are pretty entertaining. The weekends- well i still spend the weekends over at Chris's house and hang out until Monday then go home on the bus from school. Blaze has been sort of living inbetween houses and one of them is the other couch at Grandma's. I might be homeless by the end of the month- No job. And Mitchell want to be friends with me and sit down and talk out our differences. My mom is being very chummy when I see her and by little brother misses me- i can tell. Chris is great. Life is great. Made a few bad choices, but do not plan to corect them any time soon, and school is good for now. Well.. I have to go to my next class...I'll try to write again over the weekend.
-simply saturnine |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|12:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "LIFE FOR RENT" | ] |
today started out good with good smelling air and a white limosine. And the day progressed and started to suck- back to fantasy world please?
-simply saturnine |
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| HELLO MUNCHKIN LAND! TODAY"S TOPIC: WOMEN ARE WHORES! |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|11:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | intensily drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "LIFE FOR RENT" (album) the whole Cd is ringing in my head | ] |
Yeah so, Philip got himself out of that sticky mess- Blaze forgives him and all is well with their friendship- but on the other hand- it's how he always goes about regaining his fellow man's trust-
WOMEN ARE WHORES! THEY MADE ME DO IT- I WAS PROTECTING YOU MAN SERIOUSLY!!!
LET'S NOT LET ANOTHER WOMEN INBETWEEN US AGAIN! (hold that thought- i saw her first)
Amazing isn't it? What the hell- right? well anywho- I am still glad the friendship is there.
Anywho! My days are ok.... I am in sort of a bind now- I have 25 days to come up with some money and job and transportation- otherwise I have no home or roof over my head. Chris wants me to move in with him- but I thought I made myself perfectly clear that i do not- I repeat to show seriousness- DO NOT - wnat to do that! because number one- it could ruin what the two of us had and number two- I want my own space, something seperate from him that I can go to when I want to be alone or when I just want to hang out with my friends. And even that is not all I want...I want to be able to call a place mine..even if its a "space" in a place...you know? I want to say get out of my room - because it's MY ROOM, or something- I don't know how to explain it exactly but for those catching my drift- does that seem so stpid or that hard to understand. It's krystal's grandma's house and her room that I am staying in- not mine. It would be Chris's house that I am staying in and one of THEIR rooms- not mine, THEIR bed , not mine....etc. And now I just don't know what I am going to do.. I have 3 weeks and then I am homeless. I have no job. I have $5 to my name (that I had to borrow) and I have no idea how I an going to scrape by on this one. I am definately not going back to Grangerland I can tell you that for sure. My mom is getting along better with me and hopefully not sneaking my mail anymore..I wonder how many letters never really made it to my hands... hmm. I haven't talked to Amy iin a while- I have no long distance..so maybe she'll call sometime.
GEEZ! Why can't things be simple anymore- I was a stupid kid to ever wish for my life to be so hectic.
Anyone want o buy my prom dress and help a girl out on the rent? lol $200 and $20 for the jewelry. COME ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.... OH WELL. I JUST THOUGHT I'D TRY....
Well I am getting depressed so I'm gonna go now. Spending the weekend at Chris's house so maybe I'll feel better by the time the weekend is over and type back an optimistic person on Monday...until then- LATERBYE!
-Simply Saturnine |
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| CAN ANYONE ELSE SPELL SYKO? |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|01:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | INMYTIMEOFNEED- OPETH (just the music-not the words) | ] |
OK...what the fuck was philip talking about? anyone have a clue or some insight into his crazy ramblings of pure insanity? - didn't think so.... hmm.
Oh well.
So things have been going a little down hill as far as plans go since i have been back in town. Friends and boyfriend and school and what-not. Not to mention my mother and the living situation that is about to be ripped from me. I can just see my mother smiling- thinking she has won. THAT IS SUCH BULLSHIT!!! Emancipation would be the best plan of action, but I have no money to take it to court. I just know, that I am NOT- I REPEAT- NOT moving back to my grandparents' house again and I am not moving in with my mother. I would lose credit for the year and have to graduate a year late, not to mention I would HATE living there. DAMN IT!! Anyone have the number to a mental clinic- my mother needs her meds- sheesh!
Things with Chris have gotten better. So that's always a plus. Now all we have to do is keep working at it and it might be worth sticking around for after all.lol I LOVE YOU BABE. ;)
So, tonight I was hanging out with Balze and Krystal and they were telling me the story about what happened earlier today... something about kicking philip's ass and now he's got a black eye....
well, i'll have to write some more later. I'm going to go take a nice, long, hot shower and sing my really bad versions of my favorite songs while I am in there(please save the howling for a later date- who asked to listen to my horrible vocals anyway? Ear plugs will be provided at the begining of the session-lol). SO LATERBYE!!
-saturnine |
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| DECEMBER IS GETTING WORSE |
[Dec. 27th, 2005|08:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | lonesome scream of the guitar wailing in the amplifier | ] |
I really don't know what to do....things are getting worse this month and i wanna just hide away for a while.
RELATIONSHIPS SUCK BALLS:
men can't live with and i don't want to be lesbian!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
No offense to the proud homosexual people in the world....:)
I just want...well i am not sure. I want this relationship thingy to work with chris but I was thinking about what i was talking to my friend about- weighing the good against the bad and measuring the whole thing and deciding whether or not its worth saving.... so i been trying to think long and hard about it. It all started out good as all the longer relationships did and now things are going down old familiar paths and I'm a little tired but not entirely sure i want to give up just yet. I love him and i always will...but i feel so alone right now and just - tired. But I will see how things go, maybe they'll turn around.
OLD FRIENDS MAKE GOOD FRIENDS:
So i've been talking to San A more and more. It's good to have the guy i met at the fair back again. We spent all last night talking on the phone and finally got off this morning. We just kept bullshiting and talking about nothing and everything for hours. I also have been talking to Bryan more- he came back for a little while to do school stuff for the army and it's good hanging out with him again- he's getting married, which is not surprising- he's a good guy. It's also good to hang out with philip and cory gain too.. old times used to be fun when we were all friends and none of that relationship shit got in the way and it's better this way. Things are great in the friend area of my life.
NEw years is coming nothing is going to get in the way of me having a good time- NOTHING. I will be drunk and having fun.
WEll i will write again later.
-Saturnine |
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| DECEMBER |
[Dec. 27th, 2005|01:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "TOMORROW" AL | ] |
Well christmas is over and now its um...well i guess it's already tomorrow which makes tomorrow today...so Today is - i think it's Tuesday right? well humor and say it is (if it isn't).
Like I said Christmas is over and I am so glad. I bought a car for fifty dollars and before you ask- yes, it runs....lol I talked to Bryan today..it was good to hang out with him for a couple of hours catching up on his new life- he's engaged and in the army. I talked to Blaze tonight too. We spent a long time catching up on new shit and talking about the old days...geez was it all that long ago? long enough to say the old days when i refer to all the past times? Wow. how times flies and people change and grow so well..lol
SO UM.....HOW 'BOUT THOSE CRICKETS??? (inside joke..none of you fuckers are ever gonna know- HAHAHA LOSERS!!!!) lol
I'll be gald when December is over- alot of painful memories in this month from several different people- those envolved know exactly what i am talking about. Over the years this month has really gotten the sucky end of memory lane... except a few memories...like christmas morning- that will always be the best christmas gift anyone in the world has ever given me... I would cry now but alas my tear ducts are clgged..lol. No really I loved my snow on Christmas morning at 3:00 am. Or drinking hot chocolate outside in the freezing cold with Blaze and Krystal until mom let them in the house- Hey if they couldn't come inI was staying out....so I win! Or u could mush Newyears and Krystal's b day in this month too and what fun it was to kidnapp her..LOL i still can't believe she went back to sleep!!! can u? lol
New year's day is still up in the air sort of- I know where i want to go..but i also know the consequences i will be at risk for just wanting to NOT have that day suck horribly. So what do I do? Well on the one hand I am my own person and can go anywhere i want to go- why sholdn't i have one holiday to have fun? or I could be nicer...hmmm..contemplating on a easy solution...it's not coming to me just yet.....I think i have pretty much decided though.
So life so far is pretty great, living here at Krytal's grandma's house- but i wonder how long it will be before she is sick of me too.... hope that's not too soon in the future...
WEll merry late christmas to everyone who hasn't see me...and Happy Early New year To those who won't see me then either.....
I have some problems as far as relationships (yet again- the pattern continue for me) but i am trying to get it all straight in my mind. There's alot to sort out before i do or don't do anything drastic.
Well that's the skinny so far. I am going to stop tyoing because eventually you are gogoing to get tired and stop reading so what's the friggin' point right?
I DON'T NEED A GODDAMN POINT !!!!!!!!
so here i am talking about absolutly nothing just to make this enrty seem longer than it really is and discourage the prolonged reading of useless crap on ly to gain information and waste the pathetic lived we all own...HAHAHAHAHA
NO REALLY.
well..now i am going.....
so BYE...................
Bye..................
ok...............
bye.............
ENDENDENDENDENDENDENDENDENDENDENDCOOKINGBACONINTHENUDEENDENDENDENDENDENDENDEND
-Saturnine |
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| Damn I AM BORED! |
[Dec. 14th, 2005|11:10 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Solem tune of the guitar screaming mournfully | ] |
its raining outside- what fun- i get to walk home in the rain. I am so bored... The day after tomorrow i move back! I am so happy to be out of this rediculous excuse for a town! Well i have to go i have finals to do..LATERBYE!
always,
saturnine
ps chris, hey call me when you get home from the hotel ok? I LOVE YOU! I missed talking to you- but it gave me a chance to get my essays done last night along with all my reviews. MISS YOU!
love,
christina |
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| Can I kill all the men in the World? |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|10:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | No lyrics whisper in my head today- gray melow tunes-guitar | ] |
chris decided to read my last journal entry? can anyone say I predicted that this month month would be shit? Because it looks that way more and more with everywhispy cold burst of air and day passing towards chrstmas. I mean come on? why christmas time? I hate fucking December! And i hate the people who have made me hate this month so much beause it happened to be my favorite (sorry- so venting there). I What the fuck!!!! i just want to scream every second of every hour of every day of this entire month to block out all the ignorant remarks and dumb songs of joy until its over and done with!!!!!!!!!!!!! (am i showing too much anger for the kids? oops! oh well they can FUCKING DEAL!!!) Of course that journal didn't mean I was still in love with Philip! I mean come on me and philip we deffinately had our chance and times were great and times were shit too! it was along time- we started over in December and decided not to count all the countless times before and just say we started dating in december and the 8 months came from there- but there was more before that...it's not like i can just forget eveything and stop telling all the stories that envolve him in them- so what i have to forget everything like it never happened? I mean JEZZZ- I like memories- it doesn't mean I still madly in love or something! DAMN IT! Why is it that even when I am writing this I can't expalin it.... but I can talk to krystal for like 2 seconds and she knows EXACTLY what I mean? WHY CAN NO ONE ELSE? WHY DO I EVEN CARE?! I shouldn't have to explain what I'm feeling and give a analysis about why.... can't i just feel how i wan without have to defend myself? I LOVE CHRIS.. he's great. I wish he could understand me though. I wish he get it. Maybe krystal gets it mroe because she was there for the whole thing- from the beginng or the end. and what Isaid in my last journal about being afraid i was going to push chris away by being distant- well i don't need to help- but just having emotions I may do the same.
always,
Saturnine
Chris:
I can't explain anything so don't ask. Just leave it alone, and know that I love you. Just trust me, if you can't do that, then I have nothing more to say.
I'm done explaining myself, and I know it may seem like I'm angry in this letter- well i am, but not at you. I just feel frustrated because the past seems to repeat itself no matter what I do to change it. Call me when you feel like it.
-love, christina |
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| WELL WELL- I'm practically back! |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|11:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | reflective/artistic/somber | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Way Beyond Empty- ZW, InMyTiMEofNEed-Opeth, Rasmus | ] |
so anywho! my life so far is pretty good. it was wierd seeing Philip yesterday and the whole time i felt wierd and thought alot about this month and how - well- wierd things have been this month for me...i never thought what i would feel like when December rolled around and i know people can tel i have been acting different.. i don't mean to and i don't know how to explain it without someone misunderstanding what i mean exactly- so i guess i'll try to explain it- because i don't care if i am misunderstood or not this is my journal bitches! This month on Christmas eve would have been mine and philip's one year anniversary and this month several of "our movies and our songs" keep showing up that haven't resurfaced until now- like the day before yesterday- THe notebook came on then right after- Eternal Sundshine of the Spotless Mind...how odd huh? Then the smell of cold and music of familiarity bring back certain things...i can see event replaying in my head and smell things like- the smell of a leather jacket an what-not and it brings everything back up- like rubbing salt into a wound that has been re-opened. I'm not saying that I feel regret or that the sadness i feel is because i am still inlove or any of that shit- it's just that certain feeling of joy and sorrow are coming back to me.. I'm worried that chris won't understand what i'm feeling and may take this the wrong way...i'm worried that i may push him away a little to hard and he won't some back... I love chris and that's all i want him to remember no matter how crazy i get this month how often my oods change or how ever many fights we get into (we just had our first fight yesterday- not bad for 6months)...well i have to go to class now..i'll write morelater!
always,
saturnine
ps. only 7 more shool days bithces and then I"M BACK! to stay. hehe . i'll be checking into school next semester- miss yall |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|10:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I'm happy I'm feelin glad i've got sunshine in a bag.." | ] |
Well long time no write - haha i know i'm funny you don't have to tell me..lol9 just joshin' ya!) Anywho! how has everyone been? i have been in Dayton every weekend so far since the last time I wrote and things are going pretty good. i move back to Dayton on December 17th and then I get the proud joy of finding a job during the christmas season- BIG FUCKING WHOOP!!! anywho! I miss everyone back home and I can't believe I'm actually saying this- but I can't wait to be back there...lol I know, I mist be crazy to want to go back to that little town- but it is so much bigger there then here- trust me...If i have to stay here another semester- i will surely loose what little fabrication of city life I have in my already forgetful brain!!!! so- enough of the dramatic- Life is ok...not too much to complain about except family as usual. They have no great parties here (going through withdrawals!!! help) ect.... Anywho! my birthday was good- I spent the entire weekend in Dayton getting drunk from sun up to sun down and all the through the night. It was great..I still have a gallon of koolaide and everclear at my friend's house if anyone wants to toast my birthday late- :) Anwyho! i have to go back to doing nothing in this class now and then go get my coffe so- Talk to ya later! Oh lauren, HEY! and tell dj and kevin and ham hi too. oh tell allen too. I miss you guys.
love always,
saturnine |
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moon_slave13's journal